Death

In case you did not already know, we are all in the process of slowly dying. Think about that for a moment, and then really think about living.

Retinal pigmentation

I forgot I had a blog but then I remembered.

I am pleased to announce that I finally learned why my eyes are more sensitive to sunlight than the eyes of other people. My optometrist explained to me that our retinas have pigmentation, and with less pigmentation the eye is more sensitive to light. I had wondered about pigmentation in the iris -- which controls eye color -- but I have found in my talks with friends and family that light sensitivity does not really correlate with eye color.

In other news, since I have last blogged, I am now divorced, and for this week my ex-wife's dog is staying with me and is unusually flatulent.

Ping

Don't trust the GPS

In an episode of "The Office," Michael Scott drove his car into a pond when he put too much trust in his GPS navigator. I knew that some of the details could be a little bit off in the real world, but now I know I can't even trust my Garmin to plan a route. On a recent drive in the New Orleans area, the female voice told me to "Turn right, board ferry." With all the bridges around, I knew that it did not require a ferry to go from New Orleans to Lafitte. However, this damn device had actually directed me away from where I needed to go just because it thought a ferry was closer. How can I make this navigator plan a decent route? In the setup options I had never seen a checkbox for "favor bridges" or "avoid ferries." What an annoyance. "Recalculating," she said as I drove past the entrance to the ferry boarding area. Recalculating is right, you stupid box of electronics. What's next? "Jump curb for shortcut"? "Activate amphibious apparatus and cross swamp"? "Speed up and jump over missing bridge section"? "Increase speed to 88 miles per hour and enter year 1955"?

Telephone contact where

Telephones have evolved from fixed, expensive devices on wired networks to cheap, mobile devices on wireless networks. Our placement of calls has likewise evolved from reaching out to places to reaching out to inviduals. I used to call my grandmother at her house, so my intentionality was calling her house in hopes of reaching her individually or whoever else may answer. Calling my mom used to be like that, but since she relies on a mobile phone these days, the idea is like calling my mom's purse rather than her house. So when I call her I know the call is directed at her personally rather than her residence. That means she might answer while she is in a grocery store, and it means I'll have fewer conversations with my stepfather.

Sometimes, though, you don't want to reach someone if she is not at home. If she is not at home, she may be busy, and you only want to talk to her if she has free time and not bother her otherwise. Other times, though, you want to reach someone regardless of where they are, and it is disappointing if your only option is to catch them at home. So it is interesting to have two options to fit different moods and different reasons for calling.

I can't guess what the specifics might be, but it seems like mobile phones have an implication for our society in the way we reach out to people and where we talk to them. We're often reaching people's persons rather than fixed places now.

The 'at' sign on Twitter is stupid anywhere else

If you aren't on Twitter, there is no reason to use the "@" character when responding to people on comments on webpages. See, before there was Twitter, and before there was the Internet, if you were addressing a written passage to someone named Fred, you would type:

Fred, I am responding to ...

You just type the person's name and then a comma. If you go back in time before Twitter, no one would type:

@Fred: ...

See, the "@" symbol has a function in Twitter's programming, to direct the message to the account called "Fred." Anywhere else it looks stupid.

Senior citizen entitlement

We've heard too much about how younger people supposedly have a sense of entitlement and expect rewards without hard work. Supposedly the older generation knows the value of hard work and gratitude. However, there are members of the older generation who demand their senior citizen discounts at fast food restaurants and act offended when a cashier charges their coffee at regular price. Who has the sense of entitlement now, buddy?

I'm not sure why we even have senior citizen discounts. Is their loyalty to a restaurant worth more than mine? Is it because old people need a break? The senior citizens eating breakfast at my regular fast-food joint would likely rant against socialism and progressive taxes and government-funded healthcare, but they'll do it while drinking their discounted coffee. Sure, some older people are on modest, fixed incomes, but others have amassed a lifetime of wealth and could buy the whole restaurant.

Antivirus conspiracy

What if McAfee or other antivirus software companies are secretly paying hackers on other continents to develop malicious software in order to keep themselves in business? It would be like the police planning crimes for their own job security. It would be like my earlier theory about bread and toasters: I'm pretty sure that bakeries have paid toaster manufacturers to skew their heat controls so that it's very difficult to find the ideal spot between too burnt and too white. That way people use more bread than they need and have to buy more from the bakeries.

Daylight Saving Time never saved jack

How do I get adjusted to Daylight Saving Time? I still want to wake up at 6 a.m. standard time; I just can't get with the program. How can I reset my body clock? I've some ideas:

1. Skip sleep one night so that I'll be really tired and go to bed extra early, and then maybe I'll be able to wake up an hour earlier the next day and the day after.
2. Take a three-day weekend and stretch it out into two long days of being awake for a long time and asleep for a long time.
3. Take a whole week and sleep on the human body's natural sleep cycle of about 28 hours. That means sleeping about five times over six days. Get back on schedule when I get back on sync with the solar day.
4. Take sleeping pills to go to bed earlier.
5. Lobby the Georgia General Assembly to consider an emergency bill called "Eli's Law" that will immediately discontinue DST in this state.

I'm frustrated because back in 2007 I was able to wake up easily enough at 6 a.m. DST. I was all prepared to keep my body on the same schedule when the time changed, to get up at 5 a.m. standard time. But then I got bronchitis and lost a lot of energy and a lot of sleep, so I started sleeping later.

Useless birth certificate cards

Why is it that some states issue a wallet-sized birth certificate? They are not real birth certificates because they can't be used for things that you need birth certificates for, like getting a passport. It's like they've been punking all these people who have been born in their states. "Here's your birth certificate -- Psych! It's a birth card! Ha!" I mean, what is the point of these little fake doll-sized cards?

Phantom mail

My Windows XP login screen always says there is "1 unread mail message" even when I have no unread mail. Where is this phantom message and how do I delete it?

Bookkeeping in everday life

How to record urination in the general journal: debit toilet, credit bladder.

Fax machine advice

"Face down, butt up." This little gem will be forgotten as obsolete fax machines disappear through attrition.

Injunctions on sale

Some people threaten going to court and easily getting an injunction against someone like it's on the shelf at Wal-Mart. If it's that easy, go to Sam's Club and get a dozen. Bring home one dozen injunctions all wrapped together in shrink wrap.

I hate sunlight

I hate sunlight. It hurts my eyes and gives me headaches. I have thought I should move to the Seattle area in order to enjoy their climate which has fewer sunny days. I found this map of the U.S. which shows "sky cover," and apparently Erie and Buffalo are also pretty cloudy. So I should figure out whether it would be easiest to get a license in my profession in Washington, Pennsylvania, or New York, then we can move.