25 Things

The Facebook fad is to post a list of 25 things about yourself. Here are 25 things you may not have known about me.

1. I have accidentally tasted dog droppings.
2. I eat pears (on purpose).
3. I was the first person to go stir-crazy on the moon.
4. I am an expert in men's fashion.
5. There is a portal to another universe on my face.
6. I like to listen to Gregorian chants.
7. I eat chicken liver and beef liver (on purpose).
8. I love chocolate more than I love my wife.
9. I can whistle and hum at the same time.
10. I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU.
11. I am a card-carrying member of the NRA.
12. I am a card-carrying member of the public library.
13. I have a separate wallet for all my freaking cards. I call it my "satellite wallet."
14. I overslept and missed a class trip to Ottawa.
15. I used to keep gerbils as pets.
16. (Reserved.)
17. I like to learn about land use regulations.
18. When I was a kid I drew a picture of what I would have seen if I were flying upside down over the Mississippi River while eating a banana on which a fly wearing sunglasses had landed.
19. (Repealed.)
20. My first memory was when I was about 10 months old. I got spanked for spitefully pulling on my mom's hair.
21. I used to drink a lot of Dr Pepper.
22. I used to drink black coffee, but now I pollute it with milk and artificial sweetener.
23. I have a Glock and drive an Impala, but I am not a gangsta.
24. I have two front yards.
25. I am a debt relief agency.